She makes me happy.She also confuses me.I love her too much for my own good i think, but then again,don't all sisters love each other like that? I guess so. Sometimes i want to hug her and keep her protected in my arms forever.Someday she will be taller than i am,prettier and smarter. I will still kiss her on the cheek and call her my baby.
I came home a couple of weeks ago to see her smiling and overly hyper. Her eyes smiled, her face smiled, her whole being smiled. I asked her what was up, and she shyly whispered to me in all of her 10 year old innocence that she got to speak with her "boyfriend". Her first love. Her childhood friend. She had a "date" to speak to him again the next day, she was so excited she barely could fall asleep. If i could summarize all the wonderful moments that are worth living on this earth, I would summarize them in the innocent smile of a 10 year old falling in love.
This other girl. She's fresh, young, rebellious. I might like her a little more than everyone else because she reminds me of my younger self. She had this brilliant future ahead of her, full of many smiles, rides across countries and a string of boys with broken hearts along the way.It was her destiny....or perhaps not.
Just like everyone her age, she makes mistakes and hopefully learns from them. I made mistakes when i was her age, but i was very lucky...or at least much luckier than she is. I'm sure she'll be OK, but what kind of cruel lesson is life trying to teach her? She's alone. She 14. She's pregnant.
He's already 30. Not too young but also still young enough, especially for a guy. He is much better than he thinks he is, he doesn't want pity, and i don't want to give him pity. I would just like to show him the potential that i know he has, and the potential that he suspects that he has.
I understand him when he tries to summarize himself for me...he keeps it simple, just the way i like it. He tells me: I just want to write. And all i wanna do? Memorize everything he writes.
What's wrong with her? She always used to wonder. Till the doctors gave her the answers. She felt she was going insane, but now her doctors control her mind disease by pumping her with meds. It keeps the darkness from consuming her. And yet, she still tries to smile.Tries is the key word here.
She wants to figure life out, some things are too close for comfort for her, simple things, like getting close to other human beings. She's only 22.She just wants to write too. She's me.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
An Ode To Roger
A few months ago,i tried my luck by buying a hamster.Then a few weeks after that i bought another one to keep the first one company.They are stinky,they eat alot and they are noisy.But i loved them both.
Yesterday i came home to find that my first hamster, an orange one called Roger, was barely moving. He was still alive,but he was also dying. I wrapped him up,tried to feed him...nothing worked.I could feel his tiny little heart beats go slow. I shed a few tears,and i think mina's heart was broken. She told me to try to save him,to take him to work with me and take care of him.
I wrapped his little body trying to keep him warm and put him back in his cage. I didnt have the guts to see if he was ok this morning, so i left for work without checking up on him.My little sister called me int he afternoon to tell me that Charlee,my other female hamster, had chewed roger's head off after he died. Ofcourse being the coward that i am,i told them to clean up the mess before i got home.I told them to throw Roger's mutilated body away.I dont even wanna keep Charlee anymore.
Ofcourse as much as it hurts me,i shouldnt be shocked. I tend to usually lose anything that i love.Apparently my love is a curse.lol.I've been dreaming lately that i'm having kids,and everytime i either drop the baby,or just dont love it.This scares the bloody s*** outta me,especially since i'm the one who's expected to be a good mom.Here's the thing though,no matter how many dreams i have,or nightmares in this case, i know that when i get what i want,whether ready or not,i will love them with every single beat of my heart.And you too will do that my friens,even if you dont think so.
The thing is even after i spent the night of new year's eve at home(AGAIN), i still made sure to put on a smile next day,put on a cheery song, and rememeber that i can always better my life if i choose to.
I work now so my life has gotten a little more...on the slow pace.I'm making money though which feels good,although i do work long hours. I will try to travel to see the world with the money i save since i'm still single and young enough to do so.
I decided that this time i will not make any new year resolutions,i will live my life as it comes so i wont face any disappointments.I will do my best.I'm going to keep moving on and going strong.
So 2010....i'm already gone.
Yesterday i came home to find that my first hamster, an orange one called Roger, was barely moving. He was still alive,but he was also dying. I wrapped him up,tried to feed him...nothing worked.I could feel his tiny little heart beats go slow. I shed a few tears,and i think mina's heart was broken. She told me to try to save him,to take him to work with me and take care of him.
I wrapped his little body trying to keep him warm and put him back in his cage. I didnt have the guts to see if he was ok this morning, so i left for work without checking up on him.My little sister called me int he afternoon to tell me that Charlee,my other female hamster, had chewed roger's head off after he died. Ofcourse being the coward that i am,i told them to clean up the mess before i got home.I told them to throw Roger's mutilated body away.I dont even wanna keep Charlee anymore.
Ofcourse as much as it hurts me,i shouldnt be shocked. I tend to usually lose anything that i love.Apparently my love is a curse.lol.I've been dreaming lately that i'm having kids,and everytime i either drop the baby,or just dont love it.This scares the bloody s*** outta me,especially since i'm the one who's expected to be a good mom.Here's the thing though,no matter how many dreams i have,or nightmares in this case, i know that when i get what i want,whether ready or not,i will love them with every single beat of my heart.And you too will do that my friens,even if you dont think so.
The thing is even after i spent the night of new year's eve at home(AGAIN), i still made sure to put on a smile next day,put on a cheery song, and rememeber that i can always better my life if i choose to.
I work now so my life has gotten a little more...on the slow pace.I'm making money though which feels good,although i do work long hours. I will try to travel to see the world with the money i save since i'm still single and young enough to do so.
I decided that this time i will not make any new year resolutions,i will live my life as it comes so i wont face any disappointments.I will do my best.I'm going to keep moving on and going strong.
So 2010....i'm already gone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)