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I haven't written anything in over 4 months and after reading my last post,OMG the change!

So here's whats up.It's the first day of Ramadan,meaning that my 3rd,and hopefully last year of uni will be starting in a few days.This also means that summer is over.I have frequently thought about how I'd feel during my senior year in uni,and if I'd ever regret wanting to graduate earlier.my answer is so far:NO.Although i am 100% sure that i will miss university like crazy,3 years is just right for me,not a year less to want,and not a year more to get fed up.Again,el7amdillah for small blessings.Concerning university however,one thing still concerns me, which is the fact that I'm struggling to graduate with a 3.0 average in order to be eligible to study for my masters in the UK or the US.Hopefully I'll put in all I've got into this final year and be ezen Allah all will turn out well.I don't even wanna get into the whole,where do i study,where will i get accepted,how will i pay for it crap...all in due time.

Now moving on to the whole WOMAN issue...u see,what has changed during this summer is that fact that I've already got 3 months of experience working in a newspaper,ie.my internship that i have completed a few weeks ago.
Second of all,i am glad to report that i have been tutoring for almost 3 months..and yes,it is a big deal.TEACHING+CHILDREN=HEARTATTACK....so I'm working in something where 2 things that i absolutely hate are combined...and the outcome is?a few days where i wanna strangle the children(don't report me to social services,i never have...errr,so far,hehe),but mostly,and thankfully,i learned some patience.to be honest,its not really cuz of what someone once told me,and i quote "its beautiful when you see the look of understanding in the children's eyes"...crap!i do it cuz the pay is decent,so sue me.plus,i don't mind a form of responsibility in my life....and between you and me,spending more time out of the house has been doing me good,so i guess the equation balances itself out.Plus,i am starting a new job in a languages academy that i hope i will be enjoying very much since i will be interacting with adults instead of children,teaching older people is something i definitely don't mind.One thing that a job has in common with uni that i absolutely love is the people i get to meet and sometimes even form new friendships.
Now,now here's the funny part about the "transforming to womanhood" phase:a woman I'm teaching has been recommending a few "suitors" to me...yeah i know what you're thinking...God,i can hear my dad saying"baba,for a girl your age that's totally normal"...and then flashbacks of conversations my best friend and i used to have come into my mind about how exciting that could be,not that we would've considered it,its just nice to be NORMAL,right?nooooooot!!!!now comes the funny part:i couldn't sleep because of how much i hated the idea,and what killed me the most are questions like "didn't i want this?i mean,its nice to be in the whole NORMAL scene"..but then the wake up call comes from my best friend telling me in the nicest way possible "you're not normal..you don't wanna be married in the next year..you wanna graduate and follow your dreams before thinking of settling"..and my God is she right.so that's the end of that.i talked with the lady and was as clear as day "no more recommendations..I'm not ready"..and boy am i not ready....

Generally speaking,all of those incidents have really changed the way i think and the way i view things.one thing i hated in the summer were my grades,but as usual,i still hope for the best in future.however,when a guy FINALLY confessed that he was in fact in love with me(apparently everyone including myself have known for over a year and he recently figured it out,lol),and proposed to come and ask for my hand in marriage in 2 years (he'd argue and say at this point its 23 months),i was shocked when i started asking myself "why the hell not?i mean he loves me so much and is willing to do anything i freaking want!so what the hell is wrong with me??"...I'll tell you whats wrong..i want to love the person back.my worst nightmare would be marrying someone just because they are "appropriate".no matter how great the guy would be,I'd always be miserable cuz I'd be constantly asking myself WHAT IF.Although,i do sometimes wonder what would happen if i don't follow my mom's advise "if you ever had to choose,marry someone who loves you instead of someone you love"...i guess time will only tell.

Now to the biggest part of my life:my friends.i have been very privileged to meet and become very good friends with new people,especially 2 that i would like to mention.first of all a girl whom i truly consider to be my religious conscience,although she doesn't have the link to my blog,i would really hope that she'd stay a constant presence in my life since i swear that girl will lead to my salvation,lol.Another friend,born in the city that gave birth to cool,hehe.dude,you gotta be my soul mate(in a non romantic sense,lol).i never met any other person who gets me the way you do..or just listens.you are in fact one of my closest friends, and a person who is definitely in my heart,you know who you are and you have my utmost respect.
Old friends who i am sorry to say are sorta on shaky grounds right now,is a friend who got married,but since unfortunately he chooses to keep his friendship with me a secret from his wife,i have refused to keep talking to him behind her back.i am not that kind of person,and God forbid that I'd be punished someday if I'd agreed to this.although i know he has the best intentions in his heart,this is one thing that i consider to be totally unacceptable,so hopefully he'll be able to resolve the situation soon,cuz Lord know i miss him to bits.also a high school friend who I've always tried to keep peace with(since our friendship has lasted for 6 years)..apparently,i am not worthy of her friendship anymore,so the way i see it is,i wont be in any one's face if they think I'm a burden.God bless you my dear everywhere you go in life.
for those friends who are over seas,frenchy,you are terribly missed and always loved.you have no idea how precious you are to me.you always say I'm your treasure,and so are you to me big brother.and for the other friend overseas...i know you dont have this link,but still,i gotta say that I'd hate to see 8 years of friendship go to waste just cuz you refuse to stay in touch.its your choice baby girl but i still love you and i know you know it.
For all you friends who do your best to stay in touch,your friendship is treasured,and you will hopefully find the same effort from my end to preserve you friendship,i love you all.
For all you friends who have a bit of tension with me,talk to me,i promise i wont bite your heads off(at least not after the first five mins,lol),but rest assured that i do love you..lets fight,talk about it,make up,then go drink coffee and gossip(batata,welcome back..it sure as hell was not worth it).
now the best for last,for my best friend.you are number on my list and you know it.i promise you,no more arguments.i will not fight for our friendship anymore.I'm tired...and perhaps so are you.so i have learned to step back and wait for you to decide to fight.not fight with me,but fight for a friendship that in my opinion is getting worse by the day,i hope you don't think I'm saying this cuz i want you to "teb3edy" as you like to say.so for always,I'm here for you,but no more compromises.watching "the hills" really helped me to view the past year from a different point of view,so i have taken a decision.i will always be here for you when you need me,but i know i cannot depend on you.so here's the deal.i will stay standing firm on where we currently are in our friendship,until you make me regret my decision last summer...so now the choice is yours,you either give up and walk away,or you fight.if u ask me what i want..well,I'd like you to fight to be honest.I'd like everything we dreamed about to come true.ana sababa enty..

Hopefully,there will be many more posts on the way.I'm turning 20 in less than a month so that should be worth talking about,lol.till then,I'm still an obnoxious bitch when I'm angry,the most sarcastic person on normal days,and mainly you know me,if i love you,then i really do and I'm there for you.y'all know i care,and i pray i never stop caring..from time to time however,my back breaks from fighting if I'm the only one fighting.so you should really determine who's worth fighting for in your lives.If you think i am,then i pray to God that i shall never disappoint you,and if i do,then you have my sincerest apology and my purest pain for an unintentional pain,remember however,bluntness and being honest is one thing,going out to purposely hurt you is a totally different thing...those of you who know i care,then I'm telling i do.i got nothing but love...nothing but love(and perhaps,a slight temper that comes with my 3ajloony heritage,hehe).