Death..and then we breathe.

Last week a 17 year old girl died who is related to me by the marriage of her aunt to my uncle.17....
it was an accident,she suffocated in the shower....people...17....

I remember my thoughts and dreams at 17..senior year,Christmas party,prom,camping in wadi rum,studying my butt off....dreaming of the university life I'll have,dreaming of getting my license,dreaming of getting married...and so it goes.

you see,when i went with my mother to the funeral,i heard a lady say that she feels sorry for the girl's family more than she does for the girl.she explained that the girl is with her Creator now and so is well taken care off...but what about the family?
her mother was heavily sedated,so she was calm and responsive,but oh my God the look in her eyes....to give birth to a healthy baby girl 17 years ago and have so many hopes and dreams for her...to have that girl grow up to be a charming young woman,a genius in school,very polite towards family members,very close to her friends,and she loved to sing....now,she's 6 feet under.
This reminds me of a saying that my father and mother always repeat:
"the death of parents is bearable and heals with time..but no parent should die before his children"...i call it cruelty of life.

i can choose to analyse this in 2 ways:
a-life is very ironic.(the whole "life's a bitch then we die" approach).
b-fate..meaning that God only meant for her to live for 17 years,anything more would've meant that worse things might have happened to the girl since God is merciful and he always chooses the best for people.
i know what the mother chose...while everybody were crying around her(including my mom and i who have only met the girl once) she kept saying AL7AMDULILLAH(thank you God).now if you ask me,that's deep unquestioning faith...and i sure wish i had that.

I consider myself to be a person who can differentiate between wrong and right...what i do know about religion i know for a fact,what i do not know i ask about.... and i am deeply offended when people insult my beliefs.However,i am not of the unquestioning type,and those moments of weakness create doubt,which i honestly loathe.

You get those many forwards that make you feel as guilty as hell,the ones that go like "God never asks you for much"and "why do you only remember God when you need something while He always remembers you no matter what"or "you have time to chat with your friends but never to say thank you to God"...and the list goes on...
i find this topic to be important since I'm a very spiritual person if not religious,and no matter how many people who exist out there who don't believe in God, they must believe in some higher power that we have to look up to,its in the human beings nature....if we don't believe,then why the hell are we living?

Not believing in God strips away the tastes,feelings,smells,sounds, and sights of life rendering it meaningless. We who do believe know that for every wrong we will be punished...but we also know that when we pray,God listens...if he chooses not to grant what we wish,it means there would have been no good to come out of it,now THAT i believe.I just need to stop doubting from time to time.

I saw a movie a while back that i absolutely loved because of the philosophy behind it.it was called "Wit"(an amazing movie that i advice all to watch),where a strict professor gets sick then dies a slow painful death...but that's not the point,nor is it the reason of why i like the movie.there's a part in the movies where she's reading a verse from a poem about death,and asks the students why the poet chose to place a comma after the word death-which happened to come in the MIDDLE of the verse-instead of a full stop.the explanation?death is only a brief break,a pause,and then comes another life....
i thought that explanation to be utterly beautiful.

People die...God grants patience and with time forgetfullness...that is a gift.The people who are no longer with us are with God,not forgotten,their time just came to an end when their clock stopped ticking.We cry, we move on and with time and God's help we learn how to breathe again.After all,after death,we breathe....
The above is what i choose to BELIEVE.
What i PRAY for however,is a heart full of Faith,a life full of Hope,and a journey full of Mercy...