On why I hate my birthday

So exactly a month ago i hit the big 20. I was expected to get all excited about it,but i wasn't.I'm still not at that age where i dread my birthday,i mean,i don't fear getting older...at least not yet.It's just that i keep comparing my birthdays during the 1st ten years of my life,and the birthdays during the 2nd ten years and here's what i came up with:
first ten years is when i was the princess of the ball on the 6th of October...promises of a pretty dress,a paper tiara,a huge birthday party and huge bag filled with barbies,kitchen sets and hottest dolls at the time always got fullfilled.
in the second ten years there was..well,nothing except for an exception here and there.one example is the huge "sweet sixteen" birthday party i had,and an attempt to "surprise" me for my 19th birthday was one of the sweetest things that my friends have ever tried to do for me.But other than that...well,my birthday was just another day where i got older,and in some ways less happier.
Maybe i was expecting too much,maybe i though that my special day will always be special...like the one day in the whole year that's all about me.to be happy..or not to be.

Anyways,i bitched about how much i hate my birthday for like a month before,what was cute however is how much my friends "nagged" on me to go out for at least a meal.they said it would be fun and the poor souls were more happier than the birthday girl could ever be about that "occasion"...and my bitchy self replied as usual: "but i freakin HATE my birthday!".they got what they wanted anyway...damn i love my nagging friends.

so after alot of nagging and some resistance from me,they got what they wanted. we agreed to meet up for a few hours for a meal (which was anyway all i could manage to arrange with my parents),and i chose to invite people in...well...as batata likes to say "quality not quantity".

Sitting at the head of the table,i stared at some (i'm only mentioning 4 of them for now) of my "favorite people" and thinking back,here's what i saw:
Batata's main squeeze:he bugs the shit out of me!but i wouldn't trade that sweetheart for the world.i mean sure,when he opens his mouth hell breaks loose...and yet,he seems to be the 1st to notice when someone is missing from the room...he's there,constantly,annoying and all,i mean i bicker alot with him,but there's that special moment when he hugs me...after being pissed at him,receiving that hug pretty much makes my day.
Batata:that girl's been questioning her importance in the world and damn she sure doesn't know....i mean,granted,she's internally blonde and gets ALOT of my "are you serious!" looks,she has no clue what she means to me.she's THE sweet spit of my life...hehe,she's special just for being who she is,I'm not so sure i can describe her in words,but I'm going to give it a try concerning her heart:kind,warm and whiter than snow.one love suga...
My best friend:we've been through hell and back together.sure our relationship might not be the same,but its there which is a miracle in itself,hehehe.her "place" in my heart is still the same and as far as I'm concerned will not change.I'm keeping my promise about not fighting anymore,but she's still my future neighbor,and i'm her future FREE baby sitter.I love you,and remember,I'm still here,and I'll be right next to you in prison.
My main man:what do i say about him...its "strange" but many people have already described our relationship as that,hehe.you get me,"i loooooooove u"...and hopefully,while we're dancing,u can spin me and dip me,but never let me fall.

Confession:for the 1st time in 20 years,I'm having thoughts of wanting to stay...weird.
I'm blessed in the sense that when it comes to major decisions in my life,i follow my mind,not my heart...but here's another confession:
As the plane takes off next year,and i remember all that I'm leaving behind and hoping to keep,my mind will quiet down giving my broken heart a chance to ache at its full potential.
Right now,i try not to think much of the future while i prepare for it.i cherish moments spent with my friends,i cherish their smiles,and i want to hug their pain away.No matter what happens,we share memories,and that in my opinion is priceless.