Think not

Every single blog entry of mine,or almost all of them, have 2 things in common.First,i seem to talk about all the changes that happened in my life. Second, i tend to thank God every chance i get for the little blessings that seem to linger in my life. The first point remains naturally the same, we all change as life throws its curves at us, however the second is not going to be exactly the same anymore. This entry will deal with broken promises, ending relationships, and a changed perspective of faith.

Starting on a positive note,i got my masters with merit,and i received an A for my dissertation. My hard work didn't go to waste thankfully. I came back home 3 months ago, and the first job i applied to i got,with a great salary too if i may add. Now to everyone around me i seem to have the perfect life,except that..well,me being me,i get bored way too quickly. Still,at this point of my life,it's all good.However,I'm sick of drama. This is why i reached a point where I'm sick of friendship.Don't get me wrong,i still love all my friends and I'm willing to help them anyway i can and anytime they need me,however,since most of them intentionally spice up their life by adding some drama,I'm not willing to participate this time. My "ex" best friend put my life in so much drama for so long that i currently have a negative reaction for it. It's OK if my life was a bit boring with routine,i can live with that,but no more drama please.at least not for a while.

You might be wondering why i had "ex" between quotation marks, and so this brings me to the subject of broken promises. I should really stop promising myself stuff. For example,my ex best friend is my best friend again.Granted,out relationship will never be exactly that same way it was a few years back,but I'm glad she's back since its like a missing part of my life came back.This includes the promise i made saying that if i leave the country I'll never come back....well here i am!meh....that's a long story i don't wanna get into.but in a nutshell,no more promises.

I feel kinda guilty for not writing in my blog for such a long time. After much nagging from a new friend i made here i am again. The thing is my blog seems to portray a side of me that not many people see...and i guess i prefer to keep it that way. Speaking of that new friend of mine,let's call him m3allem for namesake, is married and believe it or not as an Arab he is in an open relationship! I have to say that although i don't necessarily agree on the concept,i respect his courage to say it out loud. Funny thing about this new friend is that i have absolutely nothing in common with him.yet we are friends.Oh well,it seems to somehow work. what's interesting is that he reminds me of another friend of mine in the sense that this guy can pour his heart out when he writes. He even wrote something that i read for his wife and that i absolutely love. The thing is,i have a friend who wrote and read poetry for me,and its weird how i always said that I'd marry a guy who could write poetry for me,or who would at least love me passionately, but the funny thing is when i actually did meet a guy like that, i couldn't love him back.Is something wrong with me?

Moving on to the subject of faith. Unfortunately after i started my OCD episode one year ago and didn't even know it,no amount of prayer made me feel better.Of course everything is fine now since I'm on medication, but my relationship with the man upstairs isn't how it used to be.I cant say I'm all out of faith,because that will be a life,i mean i have my moments. But generally speaking I'm a million miles off where i used to be. I keep thinking of what my friend once told me...he said "i envy those who believe,their lives are a lot more peaceful that those of us who don't".He is so right.

My best friend went to a fortune teller a few days ago.What pissed me off is she told her everything I've been saying for the past few years FOR FREE!the funny thing is that she told her after 1 heart break-which mind you I've already had-I'm gonna find the love of my life.I don't think such a thing exists. My new friend told me a few days ago that I'm single because I'm a thinker.

Although i can say for sure I'm content in my current situation,it seems that my future has 2 paths laid out for me...either i give up my way of thinking and settle for the life that every typical girl wants to have,or i stay true to myself and risk not having many things that i do eventually want.I can fly,smile and dance on my own.I'm strong on my own...but what if from him i never want to part?