I haven't slept well for 3 nights,and not because i keep imagining the perfect guy who will never come,or because the maid came into my room to get something,or not even because my mom woke me up to have pancakes for breakfast.Believe it or not,i got my marks recently,and i ain't happy with them.
I worked hard the past semester,didn't even mind being called a "nerd"(a cool one for that matter,if such a thing exists,hehe),and what do i get?3 A's,2 B+'s and 1 B.I know i know,those look good,huh?and thank God for everything,but honestly speaking,i didn't study to get a B or 2 freakin B+'s!!!!
For the past 3 nights,i have had a hard time sleeping because i kept thinking about what i could have done better to deserve those A's i worked for...if you think that any answer came to mind,then you're wrong.Nil.Natta.Zip.Zero.BIG FREAKIN' NOTHIN'!!!I can honestly say that i have done my best and i truly do believe that i deserve A's in those subjects.I'm not a snob or anything,but when someone is on the top of their class and they know it,like myself,they deserve the highest grades!am i right or am i right???
I try to work hard to get what i want,i don't expect to get anything on a silver platter(I've always wondered why its silver and not gold in that expression...),and although i do like to live by the "no expectations no disappointments" motto,i have to be realistic;i need the high grades to get a scholarship if i want to pursue a graduate degree in the UK in the US.
I'd like to end this blog by a quote from a song by Kid Rock,"You get what you put in,and people get what they deserve...still i ain't seen mine,no i ain't seen mine...I've been giving just ain't been gettin'...I've been walking that there line...so i think I'll keep on walking with my head up high...i keep moving on,and only God knows why."
Friday, February 2, 2007
Selfishness
Recently,my best friend told me something that i never knew about her before.You see,you have to understand something about me and her before i mention what she said;we are different,in the sense that I'm considered to be the loud one,as opposed to her quiet nature.I'm the stubborn one,while she's easy going.Plus I'm the more "in your face" speak my mind bluntly kind of person,while she's more smooth and subtle in voicing her opinion.On the other hand,however,we are both crazy and fun loving girls that are always there for each other.
Back to my point,apparently she has grown up to be a people pleaser,not a door matt in any sense,just doing everything in her life to please the people around her...especially her parents.Now on first impression,you might think that that's a good thing,but on the contrary,she told me that the only time she's been truly happy is when she started college.She started doing things that made HER happy instead of caring what anyone else wanted.Unfortunately,for a while there she made a couple of mistakes,but after falling she got up again and learned from her mistakes(or at least i hope so).
After discussing the reason for her recent change in behavior,not that i mind as long as she's happy and careful,i started reflecting on my own 19 years of life.I don't recall ever doing anything that i didn't like just to make others happy.honestly speaking,i do like making people happy,and i absolutely would get out of my way if i could do something that can bring a smile to the faces of those i love and care about...but doing something that would make me UNHAPPY is a total different issue.
I guess after realizing this about myself,i can see why some might call me selfish,but i don't think its justified,because why would someone who allegedly cares for me,ask me to do something that would hurt me or make me unhappy?there's no reason in that if you ask me.if you have to do something,then you just HAVE to do it..but when presented with an option,then go ahead and do what YOU want.
I don't think i was born with these specific thoughts,but the thing is,i was never the prettiest in my class in school,never the smartest,never a good athlete,so although i do remember trying to impress my teachers,colleagues and even parents,most times i have come out to be a total disappointment.I learned that life is too short to try to live up to people's expectations,I'm going to be a first rate version of myself.
Back to my point,apparently she has grown up to be a people pleaser,not a door matt in any sense,just doing everything in her life to please the people around her...especially her parents.Now on first impression,you might think that that's a good thing,but on the contrary,she told me that the only time she's been truly happy is when she started college.She started doing things that made HER happy instead of caring what anyone else wanted.Unfortunately,for a while there she made a couple of mistakes,but after falling she got up again and learned from her mistakes(or at least i hope so).
After discussing the reason for her recent change in behavior,not that i mind as long as she's happy and careful,i started reflecting on my own 19 years of life.I don't recall ever doing anything that i didn't like just to make others happy.honestly speaking,i do like making people happy,and i absolutely would get out of my way if i could do something that can bring a smile to the faces of those i love and care about...but doing something that would make me UNHAPPY is a total different issue.
I guess after realizing this about myself,i can see why some might call me selfish,but i don't think its justified,because why would someone who allegedly cares for me,ask me to do something that would hurt me or make me unhappy?there's no reason in that if you ask me.if you have to do something,then you just HAVE to do it..but when presented with an option,then go ahead and do what YOU want.
I don't think i was born with these specific thoughts,but the thing is,i was never the prettiest in my class in school,never the smartest,never a good athlete,so although i do remember trying to impress my teachers,colleagues and even parents,most times i have come out to be a total disappointment.I learned that life is too short to try to live up to people's expectations,I'm going to be a first rate version of myself.
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